The Importance of Saying No
abracad, · Categories: self help, spiritualityOne of the hardest words in the language to say is "no". Why should these two letters be so difficult to utter?
Perhaps it's the conditioning of our youth when we were told to always be nice to others? Maybe it's fear of making an "enemy" of the scorned individual, or inviting the adverse judgment of our peers or creator? Or could it be the deep knowledge that at essence we are all one and to reject another's need is to ultimately harm ourselves?
Humans are social creatures. The magnificent achievements of civilization that we all enjoy are built upon the mutual cooperation of man with his fellow beings. To live in isolation from others would be well-nigh impossible.
It's OK to say no
However, we are born upon the earth plane as individuals for a reason. In the oneness of our source we can never experience interaction with others, because there are no others. This whole universe exists so that we might take on unique identities, and in so doing engage with others both collaboratively and competitively. Indeed this may be the very reason for our being in physical form.
And in individuation we take on many different roles for many different reasons. Many of those roles are supportive of their fellow beings. Some, by manner of circumstance, are dependent. And others are manipulative, seeking to further their own agenda at the expense of others'. It's very valuable to learn to recognize which are which!
As individuals we each have the right, and duty, to try to be the very best we can. Part of that is about contributing to the greater good by helping close family, friends, the wider community... But part of it is also about being selfish, taking "me-time", being able to say no to unreasonable demands.
When to say no
Modern life is complex, and whatever your circumstances it's inevitable there are others who are worse off than you. Showing compassion to those in need is a positive act. It may mean giving your energy or time, donating to a worthy cause, or even just offering a smile or an ear to a troubled soul. You know instinctively when to say yes.
Amongst the noise of daily life come numerous less-worthy demands on your time. To service but a fraction of these would leave nothing for yourself. It is in these circumstances that the right response is "no".
But avoid also habitually saying no. We do need to co-exist, and others will at times make genuine calls upon you, just as you will make genuine calls upon others. Aim to develop the discretion to determine which calls it's appropriate to answer.
How to say no
When you need to turn down a request, be as diplomatic as possible without resorting to untruths.
If possible, take time to consider incoming pleas for help. Consider with both head and heart the good that might be done against the personal costs involved. And if your deliberations come out negative, visualize how you might break the news. Then just do it. The more you say no, the easier it gets.
True friends will fully understand why you can't oblige on this occasion. But should the asker take offense take comfort that s/he was a fake friend and lose no sleep over their departure. Don't be afraid of being bad-mouthed, it is not wrong to refuse the unreasonable, and if you have done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear.
Far from losing face by refusing to oblige, you will actually gain respect among your peers for not being a soft touch.
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Filed in: self help, spirituality
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